


Which ear is the gay ear? the answer is both.

by CutToTheChase



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Crack, Goths, Hot Topic, Humor, M/M, Modern AU, Nothing about this fic is serious, Pre-Relationship, if you could even call it that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27242410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CutToTheChase/pseuds/CutToTheChase
Summary: The year is 2011. Kurapika catches Chrollo stealing from the Hot Topic he works at.
Relationships: Kurapika/Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer
Comments: 9
Kudos: 96





	Which ear is the gay ear? the answer is both.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in under an hour during a manic episode, bone apple teeth.

There were few things that Kurapika Kurta hated more than his $7.25 an hour job at Hot Topic. His work he could at least justify with the meager pay and sizable employee discount, but it was hardly worth the 8 hours a day he spent scraping gum off the floor and refolding the disheveled MCR shirts on the t-shirt display rack. 

But there was one thing, ONE THING, that got on his nerves more than anything else in this sorry excuse for a world.

And that was stealing. 

In fact, Kurapika hated theft so much he took it upon himself to purchase not one, not two, not even three, but FIVE separate chain wallets. 

Of course he wore them all at once. 

He needed them.

One for cash, one for credit, one for his license, one for his costco membership card, and a fifth one, empty, just in case. 

As much as Kurapika hated it, he was used to the occasional teenager coming in and shoplifting the odd pin or cheap mood ring, but the sketchy goth man in the corner shoving a nice $80+ leather jacket into a duffle bag, in FULL VIEW of the clerk… Well that was a different story. 

It had been a Tuesday afternoon like any other. Business was slow. Almost no one came into the store until after 3:00 when school got out and the local kids started being obnoxious in public. 

He was only half paying attention to his surroundings, opting to kill time sitting behind the checkout counter writing parody bible fanfiction in the notes app of his iPhone 3GS. 

It was only when he heard the shifting of a clothes rack that he bothered to look up and notice the guy. 

“Excuse me! What do you think you’re doing!” He yelled at the thief. 

Kurapika was startled when the man turned to face him and he noticed the cross tattooed right in the center of his forehead. 

God he hoped he wasn’t one of those crime-obsessed Charles Manson groupies or something, those people were insane. 

“Are you going to purchase that?” Kurapika gestured to the jacket, half hanging out of the stranger’s bag.

“Oh, this?” The creep replied. “No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“No, I'm not going to pay for it.” 

“Oh.” He didn’t know how to reply to that. 

The man finished stuffing the jacket into the bag before turning his attention to the earring display. 

“Sir if you don’t put the jacket away and leave the store I’m going to call mall security.” Kurapika stood up and started to make his way to the landline in the corner, it had security on speed dial. 

The stranger dropped the bag, and for a brief moment Kurapika thought he had won, reason had prevailed, and the guy was going to leave without any trouble. 

But his hopes were dashed when the freak started to walk towards him. 

“I don't think you are.” He said, and swiped the chunky plastic phone from Kurapika’s hand, slamming it back into the receiver. 

It was then that Kurapika realized he was completely alone in the store, alone with this fucking weirdo. Usually there were two people on staff during a shift but Melody was out sick after contracting tetanus from the hot topic pin bucket. 

In the next couple of moments a series of thoughts rushes through Kurapika’s head. The first and foremost of them being  _ oh, I’m getting robbed.  _ The second being  _ WWJD (What would J.J. Bittenbinder do)?  _

In a flash Kurapika had unclipped his empty wallet from his belt and thrown it unceremoniously onto the floor several feet away. He then yelled

“Street smarts!”

The thief watched the wallet skid across the unwaxed linoleum, but didn’t move his hand from the emergency phone. 

Like a bucket of ice water, reality came crashing down on the poor Hot Topic sales clerk. He had made a grave error. 

He had thrown the wallet containing his costco card. 

_ Shit.  _

“Um.”

“What the hell was that?” The thief questioned.

“You’re going to rob me aren't you.” He assumed, but the stranger shook his head.

“You see, It's all about stealing from the establishment,” He squinted down at the clerk's name tag. “Ku-ra-pika?” he blinked before pulling a straight face back on. “I’m not gonna take from the little guy.” So he fancied himself some kind of punk. 

“It’s pronounced Curarpikt.”

“What?”

“Nevermind.”

“I’m not going to rob you Kurapika.”

“Oh-ok.” He calmed down a little. The taller man took a step back, raising his hands, as if to show he meant no harm. 

“But I am going to rob this hot topic.” In one quick motion the stranger yanked the phone cord out of the socket, there would be no security coming. “You’re not going to try to stop me like some kind of poser, right?” 

Kurapika stood motionless as the man leaned down to pick up the discarded wallet.

_ You know what, to hell with this, I’m not being paid enough to deal with this crap.  _

“No.”

“Fantastic.” He then went back to perusing the earrings like he had every intention of making a real purchase. 

Kurapika sat back down, choosing to cut his losses and lament the theft of his costco membership rather than the dozens of dollars worth of Hot Topic merchandise he didn’t actually care about. 

He’d deal with the fallout of the theft later, his boss Nostrade was a massive pushover. 

Kurapika watched from behind the counter as the damn mall goth shoved more and more clothing and jewelry into his bag, the clerk made a mental note of everything that went missing for when he took inventory later. 

After what seemed like far too long the thief stopped and approached the check out. Kurapika wasn’t naive enough to assume he was coming there to pay. 

Instead the stranger looked the clerk dead in the eye and slipped a single wrinkled $5 bill into the tip jar. 

“For your troubles.”

It was insulting. 

The man lingered there, his eyes catching on Kurapika's single bright red earring. Suddenly something in his face softened, and the clerk thought he might as well chance a request.

“Can I at least have my wallet back?”

“Sure.” He said, but his smile split into a mischievous grin. “On one condition.” Kurapika frowned. “Remind me which ear is the gay ear?”

The sales clerk felt a blush bloom on his cheeks and quickly broke eye contact.  
“I-I don't know, why the hell do you care?”

“You’re cute.” The thief said, something suggestive in his voice. He put the wallet down on the counter. “Call me when you decide to stop being such a prep.”

And as quickly as he had appeared, he was gone. 

“What the hell?” Kurapika said aloud, to no one but himself. What had the man meant by ‘call him’, he hadn’t exactly left a number. 

It was until an hour later when he opened his costco wallet and saw it plain as day, a number scrawled across the card, below it, a name.

Chrollo Lucifer. 

  
A fitting name for a pretentious asshole. 


End file.
